Journal Entry: Wed Oct 14, 2015, 5:36 PM
Hey guys! It's been an inexplicably long time since I've posted anything and it's mainly because I feel as if I'm not being honest with you guys. I feel like if I don't say aloud who I am or what I've been through so far in my sophomore year I seem to feel like I cannot share my writings or poetry or anything of the sort.
basically, if I know you in real life... please stay out of this journal. There's a lot I haven't explained to you and I want to tell you this in person because hell... it's only right.
((also if you don't wanna hear about my non-straight sexuality life you can leave now.))
soooo... here it is.
Hi guys, my name is Sam and I'm a fifteen year old southern girl who loves to write, act, draw, sing, spin a flag and learn many new things everyday.
And I can fall in love with both guys and girls.
Yeah, I'm 'panromantic demisexual' and for anyone who doesn't keep up with the lgtbqa+ community it means that I fall in love with a person based on who they are and how they treat me and it's not always a man that I'll fall in love with. Demisexual means that I will not have sex with anyone unless I have formed a deep deep deep personal relationship with them. (in this case, marriage)
And, yes. My parents (they don't say it aloud though) are homophobic.
and no, i haven't come out to them.
But, I first realized my sexuality at the end of my freshman year when I began to talk to this girl who was on my color guard. When she smiled at me, I felt feelings that I only felt with a boy before. Of course, you can tell what I was thinking
"Pull yourself together, you're a straight Christian girl."
It didn't take long for me to ask her out during band camp, though. But, since I was so afraid of people finding out about our relationship she found that we weren't getting anywhere and she ultimately broke it off. A while later, I told her I still liked her and would like to try the relationship again. In response, she said accepted dating me again but asked to give her some time and she'd tell me when she was ready
I waited and waited and waited.
About a month later and she hasn't even spoken to me, instead, she's all over another upperclassmen and waiting for her like I did for her.
So, I tore myself away from her.
And it broke my heart to do so.
But, I'm okay.
Maybe I shouldn't hurt so bad though... ~ It is all mediocre and this is just high school
So, now you know of what has been going through my vision for the past while! It's so much fun being a teenager.
At least I can start posting my stuff on here again!!
Listening to: Lonely Hide and Seek -- JubyPhonic
Reading: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe Script
Watching: aoharu x kikanjuu
Drinking: Sweet Tea